My husband and I went to a festival–he really really wanted to
go. I met Mimi. Turns out he'd already been sleeping with her.
Eventually, thru many turns and coincidences, Mimi became my new best
friend. She called regularly. Helped me pick out outfits that would
look best when we went out as couples. She showed an interest in me.
After several couple dates, her hubby stopped coming. She finally
shared that she was getting a divorce.

She tried staying with
another friend but that friend's hubby kept putting the moves on her.
So, after checking with my hubby, he said to let her stay with us until
the divorce was final and she found a new place to live. I was cautious
and even questioned my husband about the stress of having her in the
house… I did not want it to interfere with us.

I suspected my
husband was having a mid-life crisis and promised myself that I would
support him, no matter what. He'd been drinking a lot and seemed not to
care about much at all. Although, I had suspicion after suspicion I
wanted to trust him. He'd always been so vocal about being loyal to one
another. He took care of our finances and before I knew it, we lost
our house. We had to move. I did not berate him… I tried to love him
through it. I forgave him and then I suggested counseling… he often
said mean things to me about the past of our relationship.

But,
in spite of problems, Mimi insisted on helping us move. She was so
into our lives. She tried to get close to my older almost adult kids
but they did not like her. I was so naiive. The kids told me that they
had seen certain looks between the two of the them… My other friends
told me to follow him to work… I just wanted to trust him.

I
hoped he would be over this and we could just go on… He kept saying
that we just needed to start over again. I knew that I had not always
been pure as the driven snow. Prior to our marriage when we lived
together, I had stepped out of the marriage… I actually felt driven
out but I always came back. Outside of one drunken one-night stand 15
years ago, I had been loyal faithful…and true, in spite of various
kinds of abuse that I had endured over the course of the marriage. He
would always improve, eventually the abuse seemed to almost disappear…

But now, he was going thru this mid-life crisis or so I thought
that was what it was… The year before, I suspected he was involved
with another woman at his work. Then two years prior to that, I
discovered an on-line affair… problems continued and I thought that
some day he would love me like I loved him. I had a lot of guild over
my own past but I did everything to show my love and never threw
anything in his face. I tried to be the best wife.

The
suspicions continued and finally, I followed him to work one day…
Even though he'd had a 30 minute head start, I waited for him in the
parking lot waiting for another 20 minutes. Then, in pulled his car
with Mimi's car right behind him. She must of spotted me because she
drove right past me. After a hour, I finally went in to confront him.
He tried to reframe everything but over a full day of questioning, he
finally came clean.

I caught him. He claimed he'd been trying to
end it but she blackmailed him. Shortly after I moved out, I took a
trip. He followed me and begged for another chance. I agreed to try it
one day at a time. All contact with Mimi was severed. He is loving
and does everything right. He lets me check his cell phone, follow him,
go through his wallet, car… pop in at his work… but now… a year
and half later… I am experiencing severe anxiety. Can't breathe with
any activity at all… and have breathing attacks still after being put
on Klonapins–4 times a day!

I wonder…will I ever heal from
this… I still can't sleep at night. When he leaves for work in the
morning, I have to work hard to stay in bed and not follow him… the
times I have followed him, he is always where he is supposed to be.
Yet, something inside of me is broken and I don't know how to fix it. I
am seeing a counselor again. Oh, by the way…the entire time the
affair was going on, we were in counseling… Dr. Don… what a quack…
even when I told him that at one point I thought that I had been
drugged by the two of them, he skimmed right over it and asked me what I
was doing to provoke my husband! It is very hard for me to trust.

I
am off work right now because I cannot get my breath. Every step is
like I have run a marathon. Kolonapins help but I still get breathless
over little things. Spent time in the hospital too with suspected heart
problems. All tests are normal. I am not normal. Something in me is
broken. I hope this helps others not to be naive… if you suspect,
check. If it doesn't make sense, it's not true. Trust your instincts.
Take that day off work and follow him. Or get a friend to do it for
you. People tell me that I will heal, but I thought that I was… now
out of the blue–I suddenly have anxiety issues! Will this ever end…

Your story is heart breaking and you appear to be very caring. However, please rest assured this had nothing to do with a mid-life  crisis and is an completely and utterly inappropriate way to handle it and a doctor would point that out. (Sometimes this mid-life crisis is a cop-out to get away with things. A Psychological suggestion and just a way of explaining behavior.)

You are so much better than that and should of just walked away completely the first time. It's ok, that you made the mistake of not wanting to. But it is a learning experience.

To mend from this experience cut all ties from him. Even though, the children will not like it. (The children are often times the excuse they used to treat your horribly and think you will continue to take them back.) Be strong and seek out supportive groups!

Always remember you are worth more and remember that you will be setting a better example for your children.

YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS!

Nevertakethemback said:

Your story is heart breaking and you appear to be very caring. However, please rest assured this had nothing to do with a mid-life  crisis and is an completely and utterly inappropriate way to handle it and a doctor would point that out. (Sometimes this mid-life crisis is a cop-out to get away with things. A Psychological suggestion and just a way of explaining behavior.)

 

You are so much better than that and should of just walked away completely the first time. It's ok, that you made the mistake of not wanting to. But it is a learning experience.

 

To mend from this experience cut all ties from him. Even though, the children will not like it. (The children are often times the excuse they used to treat your horribly and think you will continue to take them back.) Be strong and seek out supportive groups!

 

Always remember you are worth more and remember that you will be setting a better example for your children.

 

YOU DESERVE HAPPINESS!

God, really?? i know it can teach good morals but really? don't try and push it on to other people. No offence but thats just retarted, i think she should just find another person and quit whining

Really? said:

Omg, Who cares? get a new husband and don't whine

WHY tell this person this, sure she can get an knew husband, but its other things she may not get rid of. And this person needs to pay for what he has done to her.